Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
(Secret 33 from my new book)
When I worked in corporate, I ran quarterly reviews a little differently.
Instead of me reviewing my sales reps, they reviewed themselves.
Each quarter, they’d sit down and look in the mirror - the clear mirror to self-assess - and ask three simple questions:
What’s working?
What’s not?
What can I control to change the outcome?
No blame. No excuses. Just self-awareness and ownership. It was one of the most powerful tools I ever used as a leader.
And after I had children I learned - it’s just as powerful at home.
When my son Ben started playing baseball, the kids would run off the field after every game and shout, “How did I do?!” Parents (myself included) would automatically respond, “You were awesome!” (even if, truthfully, they didn't have a great game).
It dawned on me that I was doing my son a huge disservice. How could he get better if I wasn't teaching him to self-assess. (news flash....kids aren't always into feedback from their parents lol)
So after the next game when he asked me how I thought he did, I flipped the script on him. I asked him "how do you think you did"?
At first he usually said "I was awesome". And I always found something to celebrate. For instance, Ben caught a pop fly that ended the inning, I celebrated: “You were awesome!”
But then I turned the clear mirror back - let's talk about the last inning (knowing that he struck out). At first, he deflected: “That pitcher was terrible!” I reminded him, “You can’t control the pitcher - he might hit you with the ball.”
Next time it was, “That umpire was awful - everyone was complaining!” I said, “You can’t control the umpire either - they’ll miss calls sometimes.”
Eventually, he caught on.
He started taking accountability - asking for pitching lessons, working on grounding and fielding - and by the end of that summer, he had become a pretty darn good ball player.
More importantly, he learned how to look in the clear mirror.
Now he uses it in every area of his life: academics, friendships, even leadership.
Because confidence doesn’t come from being told you’re awesome. It comes from seeing yourself clearly, owning what you can control, and choosing to grow.
Try this today:
Ask yourself (or your team, or your kids):
What’s working?
What’s not?
What can I control to change the outcome?
It’s not about tearing yourself down ...it’s about celebrating progress, uncovering opportunities, and creating accountability.
When you hold up a clear mirror, you don’t just see who you are - you see who you came to be.
Keep shining friends - be who you came to be!
