What to Do When You’re Not Invited
This week, I received an email from a follower asking how to handle a company event she wasn’t invited to. And honestly?
What a perfect topic for this time of year.
Because the holidays bring joy, celebrations… and a whole lot of opportunities to see people gathering at events we didn’t even know were happening. And even as adults, it can still sting.
I’ve felt it too.
I’ve seen photos of dinners or parties and thought, “Ouch… I guess I wasn’t included.”
And as someone who hosts gatherings, I always worry about accidentally leaving someone off - because you truly can’t invite everyone, even with the best intentions.
So here’s what I shared with her and what I’m sharing with you today.
1. Start With the A-Method: Assume a Misunderstanding
This part is important, so read slowly:
You do NOT have to approach the person.
You do NOT owe anyone a conversation.
You do NOT need to seek clarity if you don’t want it.
The A-Method isn’t about confrontation - it’s about mindset.
It means:
Before you create a story, assume there may be more to the situation than you realize.
Maybe the event was small.
Maybe someone thought you were already invited.
Maybe the list changed.
Maybe it honestly wasn’t personal at all.
Just thinking from this place keeps your emotions grounded and protects your peace.
BUT…
If you do choose to bring it up - especially in a work environment where you see these people daily - approach it with curiosity, not accusation.
A simple, non-emotional, emotionally intelligent opener might be:
“Hey, I heard about the event and wasn’t sure if I missed something - just checking!”
It’s not whiny.
It’s not dramatic.
It’s not confrontational.
It’s simply clarifying.
Again:
You don’t have to. But if you do, this is how to do it in a way that preserves your confidence and relationships.
2. Don’t Give Your Power Away
Your value is not determined by invitation lists.
Your energy, your time, and your presence are too precious to be defined by who includes you or forgets you.
If you weren’t invited?
Don’t obsess.
Don’t spiral.
Don’t make it mean something about you.
Instead?
Plan your own dinner.
Spend time with your people.
Put your energy where it is appreciated and reciprocated.
Sometimes you weren’t invited because you’re meant to be somewhere else.
3. People Invite From Their Circle - Not From a Scorecard
Most invitations are logistical, not personal.
People invite who they think of in that moment ...not who is “better,” “more deserving,” or “more important.”
Your job is not to be everyone’s person.
Your job is to find your raving fans and pour into those relationships.
4. Replace Comparison With Admiration
When you see photos of the event you weren’t at, it’s easy to slip into comparison.
Instead of:
“Why wasn’t I there?”
Try: “I’m glad they had fun and I’m going to create my own moment.”
This shift puts you back in control.
5. Be Who You Came to Be... Not Who They Forgot to Invite
Your identity is not built in rooms you weren’t in. It’s built in how you show up for yourself, your joy, and your relationships.
If something stings this season?
Assume misunderstanding…
Protect your peace…
And remember: you didn’t come to be everywhere. You came to be you - confident, grounded, and fulfilled.
Keep Shining - Be Who YOU Came To Be
