The Leaders, Coaches, and Parents Who Build Self-Awareness – Not Insecurity
After years of watching my boys move through different teams, sports, and stages of life, I’ve noticed something powerful:
Some coaches, leaders, and even parents help individuals become who they came to be… and others push them into who they want them to be.
And the difference comes down to one thing: Do we create self-awareness… or insecurity?
Those Who Create Self-Awareness
These are the coaches, leaders, and parents who see potential and speak to it clearly, calmly, and with belief.
They help individuals understand why something matters, what needs to improve, and how to do it.
They don’t change who the person is - they elevate who the person already is.
They grow confidence and competence at the same time.
Their impact sounds like:
“You’ve got this. Here’s what we can work on.”
“Let’s look at this together.”
“This doesn’t define you - this helps you grow.”
They build people up without inflating them…
and stretch them without breaking them.
Those Who Create Insecurity
These are the ones who confuse being hard with being helpful.
Who think correction must feel like criticism.
Who use pressure instead of perspective.
Their impact sounds like:
“Why can’t you get this right?”
“You’re not trying.”
“You should be better by now.”
Their words don’t build awareness - they build self-doubt.
Instead of unlocking someone’s potential, they shut it down.
Instead of helping someone rise, they cause someone to retreat.
They unintentionally teach people to question themselves rather than trust themselves.
Helping People Be Who They Came to Be
Here’s the truth about emotional intelligence:
You don’t develop people by molding them into your version of success.
You develop people by helping them become the best version of themselves.
And that requires a balance …not harshness, not softness, but wisdom.
The Perfect Balance: 5 EQ Tips
Here are five emotional intelligence strategies that great coaches, leaders, and parents share:
Lead with belief. People rise when they feel someone genuinely believes in them.
Use clarity, not criticism. Be specific about the behavior - never attack the identity.
Stay curious before correcting. Ask questions. Understand first. Then guide.
Challenge without crushing. mStretch their capability without damaging their confidence.
Speak to their potential - not your preferences. Help them grow into who they are, not a version of you.
Your Leadership Check-In
Ask yourself this week:
Am I building self-awareness… or insecurity?
Am I helping people rise… or making them shrink?
Am I guiding them to be who I want… or who they came to be?
Because the greatest leaders don’t create copies …they cultivate originals.
Keep shining, friends – be who YOU came to be. The very best version of YOU.
